I went for a run in the park and yup, it’s officially the warm season. Spring? What the heck is that. Californians have two seasons warm and cold, as far as I’m concerned. It’s now warm. That was confirmed as I ran through the park mid-afternoon past dozens of shirtless men stretched out in the…
I just saw an ad for the iPad. It was called a “magical and revolutionary” product. Which is funny, because those were the exact words that popped into my head when I first laid my wide-eyed gaze upon it. Then I read the description, which was exactly what I was about to say it was,…
I always thought if I won the lottery, I’d be able to spend money on whatever I wanted. After discussing our imaginary lottery win with my husband, I realized there are certain things that are off limits. Ron: “If we won the lottery at $130 million that would mean we’d end up with half. Then…
I know I’ve said this many times before, and you childless types can stop reading right here. And those of you with perfect children–the kind that never announce in the middle of a meal that they’ve got to poo and then excuse themselves–can read on with glee. But I have to admit, my kids are…
Ever notice how when you are on a diet you instantly see the world in numbers? Matrix style? I’ve finally started a diet. A real diet, not just “I’m eating well,” because I already eat excellently, but a real “diet because I have to be on a diet” diet. And suddenly I see everything differently….
It’s Friday night and I’m getting dolled up. Because I’m having a heart attack, and I want to look good for when the paramedics get here. Uh, well, I’m pretty sure I’m NOT having a heart attack, but you can never be sure. My chest feels like it does when I try to do crunches…
Ever watch infomercials? What is up with the all the exercise products that should bear the seal “Now with more sexual innuendo”? The commercials alone make me blush. Have you seen some of these? First there is the Ab Circle Pro. You get on it on your hands and knees, doggy style. And you grip…
I’m not a responsible person. At least up until the last couple of years I wasn’t. That is when it comes to disposing of my Christmast tree. Luckily I haven’t had to. I’ve had a pack of Mormons, a semi truck and a crowd of fire bug drunkards do it for me until now, when…
I’m going to say sorry to my husband in advance for telling on him, but it was too funny not to pass on. This, is how my husband watches the kids: I don’t sleep. It was the week before Christmas and since I was rustling around at 6 a.m. my husband said to me “You…
My husband and I came to the conclusion that New Year’s Resolutions are the culmination of too much overindulgence during the holidays and then a bad New Year’s Day hangover. Because people’s resolutions always seem to be “I’m cutting down on my drinking.” “I’m going on a diet,” etc., etc., So we never make them….